What I Would Do If I Got Rich
I sometimes think of what I would do if I got a gaggle of cash and became 'rich'. I think "rich" has different definitions depending on who you ask. Some would say you don't hit truly rich until you hit 10 million. I say to those people, "how was the Met Gala you bougie fuck?". People who haven't grown up with a silver spoon in their mouth would consider rich to be around $500k annually.
For the sake of this question, I'm gonna go with 10 million. Lot more options I feel like with this. $500k annually would imply I still need to work, $10 million would be the number that would make me feel I wouldn't really need to ever work anymore.
So, let's say I woke up one day to the sound of a cash register closing like you just entered the "motherlode" cheat in my play of Sims 3, and find I have $10 million in my bank account. What would I feasibly do with it?
I think the first thing I would do is double check I'm not dreaming. I would then start to panic because I have no clue if this was an error with my bank. After calling my bank and ensuring that I had a check deposited by one "Jesus Herman Christ", I would sit and think of what the fuck to do now.
I'd probably be in denial my first week of having the money, still going to work with that in the back of my head. Surely it was a joke right? After reality sets in that I am now in the top .01%. I'd probably talk to my wife about it. Assuming she didn't also see the amount in our account, she'd probably go through the same stages I did. But eventually we will both put our heads together and start planning.
The first thing we'd probably do is set aside a college fund for my daughter. Roughly $100k to account for tuition, room, board, and food. I'd want to put the money in something with high-yielding dividends or something. I don't know, I'm not a financial planner, so I'd probably get in touch with an accountant. Let's also assume I am like the rest of the rich, and don't pay taxes on it (the money is tax exempt because it came from Jesus after all). I'd want to set up enough to have $120k annually in dividend payments. I'd also look into investing in commercial real estate, I'd feel gross doing residential, but I have enough cognitive dissonance for commercial real estate since it's petite bourgeois to petite bourgeois.
I'd then quit my job. Just tell my boss "I don't need this place anymore, and y'all can suck it", respectfully of course. I'd also tell the company CEO her policies are for boomers and her hate boner for Work From Home is one of the many reasons people in this company don't like her. After pimp-walking out of my office, middle fingers all around. I'd hit a dispensary and buy a nice phat bit of weed. Top shelf. I want that shit so sticky that my fingers will feel like they got dunked in Elmer's glue. Then get high as a satellite.
I'd probably then do some sensible things. I'd then pay off my car and the rest of the bill for stuff I financed. I'd also set aside enough money to pay off my wife's PA program and my master's program.
I'm not really sure how much money this leaves me. But I'd quickly start wondering if I'm betraying my ideals. I'd feel a level of guilt having that amount of money. I don't think I'd stop working, as I feel like I'd still want to be a therapist. I think with that level of money, I'd do a lot more volunteer/pro-bono work. I've been liberated from "having" to work, so I may as well put in that time to helping people who can't afford mental health care.
I'd buy a house. Maybe not pay in cash, but put down a decent enough down payment to have a decently low monthly mortgage payment. I don't want a McMansion, just something sizeable. A decent 4-5 bedroom house. A bedroom for my daughter, for my wife and I, an office/gamer cave for me, a dedicated room for my wife, and maybe a spare bedroom. I'd buy tons of hi-fi music equipment (Record, CD, and Cassette), get some dream instruments and gear, and make a bitchin' gaming setup. I'd also move out of my current state to a blue state with legal recreational marijuana like Oregon or Washington... probably Washington.
I'd take my wife on a nice cruise, have my daughter stay with grandma, and just relax. I love cruises. I know it's a shallow way of experiencing various places you travel to, but it's nice to just be out on the ocean and having not a damn care in the world. Seriously, cruises are some of the most low-stress vacations I've ever taken. I'd also probably take my wife to Aruba again at some point so we can eat those delicious Dutch pancakes we had on our honeymoon.
I think at that point it's all just bumming around from there. I'd buy nicer groceries like from farmer's markets or something. I'd probably eat out at my favorite restaurants more (mostly my favorite mexican food and sushi joints). It's kinda hard for me to determine what else I'd do with my life.
I'd probably feel weird about my blog, I feel like half of my appeal is my relatability. So I'd start worrying about becoming out-of-touch. Maybe my volunteer work would keep me grounded.
I think my days would mostly consist of volunteer work, work as a therapist, hobbies, being with my family, and playing video games. I'm not sure what my wife would do, I know she would want to do SOMETHING with her time otherwise she'd go insane.
To be honest I really don't know what I'd do with that amount of money. I'd like to think I'd keep my integrity and not just become some bourgeoisie asshole, but who knows. I'd also like to think that I wouldn't just blow it all out my ass like those people who win the lottery. I can tell you right now that most of my family wouldn't see a fucking DIME, save for my wife and daughter, parents, and parents-in-law (granted my in-laws are pretty well-off).
But, I guess I'll never know, because I don't think ol' JC is gonna wire me $10 mil. anytime soon. So, for now I day dream. I do what I can with what I have now. That's all people really can do at the end of the day.
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as of writing this...
I got my medical marijuana card reinstated, so ya boi can buy weed legally again. I bought 3 .5g cartridges today for roughly $30 each... which is a fucking lot considering you can get a gram of concentrate for $30 in California. C'est la vie. I've been stoned more than I have been sober today, and it's been nice to mellow out a bit. Gonna be taking the train to work for the next week. I've been kinda slacking in that department. I've been just wanting to be home as fast as possible, but it'll be nice to just kinda sit on a train for a bit. Need to make more progress on Blood Meridian, I'm about halfway done. Gonna also see Amazing Digital Circus 9 in a few days in theaters, really excited for that. I really hope the ending doesn't suck.