why i'm an absurdist
TW: Mentions of suicide
"One must imagine Sisyphus happy", the closing line of Albert Camus' "The Myth of Sisyphus has stuck with me for years at this point. But why is Sisyphus happy? The guy is stuck pushing up a boulder that will just roll back down, why imagine him happy? Is he stupid? Maybe.
I'd like to invite you a little bit into my past. For most of my life I would have described myself as something of an atheist or agnostic, and while that remains true, it was a bit different when I was young. I have a level of certainty that there isn't a god, I mean just look around. However, my metaphysical view of the world at the time was a bit naive. Yes, I didn't believe there was a god. I believed that once you die, that was it. However, as I got older, I started to really think about what nothingness really meant, and more importantly what the hell was the point of all this?
If the world is meaningless, then what the hell was the point in anything? I tried to figure it out, even turned to Christianity for about a month before coming to terms that it didn't sit right with me. I turned to various philosophies, but nothing gave sufficient answers. I started to get really depressed with feeling like nothing really made a difference in the grand scheme of things, falling towards nihilism. I often say "if the idea of nothingness doesn't create an existential crisis for you at least once in your life, you haven't thought about it enough".
This was where Camus came into the picture and his book "The Myth of Sisyphus". The main objective of the book was determining if life was worth living. In my condition, Camus described me coming face to face with The Absurd, the tension in a person's search for meaning in the face of an indifferent universe. Of this, Camus describes one of three possible outcomes: suicide, philosophical suicide, and rebellion. Suicide is, well, suicide. Philosophical suicide is essentially a Kierkegaardian leap of faith, taking up religion in order to escape the world's meaninglessness. Finally rebellion, more on that later.
Sisyphus to Camus is the ultimate absurd hero because, to Camus, the absurd hero can carry on with a life as meaningless as rolling up a boulder for eternity and embrace it, even enjoy it. Sisyphus does not despair, he doesn't just give up, the boulder doesn't roll to the bottom and stay there, he keeps going. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Sisyphus is analogous to the human experience. We do our 9-5, come home, eat, sleep, chores, hobbies, repeat. Day in, day out. We wash dishes just to watch the sink pile with dirty dishes again. We work for a paycheck, then watch it slowly evaporate from bills and expenses. Sisyphus pushes a boulder up a hill just to watch it roll back down. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
Trying to live in accordance to trying to make it to the next life detracts us from the life we are living now. Why do anything in this world if another one is waiting for us on the other side? Why care for the planet when the rapture is gonna come? The idea of an afterlife ultimately cheapens the experience of life.
Suicide and philosophical suicide do not give our lives any more meaning. So, what is one to do? Rebel.
To rebel is to embrace the meaninglessness of the world. It is impossible to create significant meaning for ourselves subjectively just as it is impossible for us to find it objectively. Instead of falling into despair in the meaninglessness of the world, embrace it and live it to the fullest. You only got one shot on the floating space rock, why waste it fixating on the nothingness? Choose everyday to push that boulder. You weren't put on this planet to fulfill some divine prophecy, so enjoy it while you're here, and do what you can to make it enjoyable for others.
I'm an absurdist for this reason. I stopped trying to escape the meaninglessness of life, I choose every day to embrace it. Call it spite. I go on in spite of how meaningless everything is. There isn't a reason for my existence, but I live a fulfilling life regardless. Meaning doesn't equate to fulfillment, nor does it equate to significance.
To face nothingness after death isn't really that scary either, honestly. It's like trying to perceive the loss in time between falling asleep and a dream. It's nothing to be scared of. It's the best damn sleep you're ever gonna get.
For Sisyphus, one could imagine him giggling as he watches the boulder roll, perhaps it's become a game. Maybe he talks to himself and finds comfort in his solitude, or maybe he isn't alone and can enjoy the mundane task with someone else in a similar situation to him. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.
So carry on. Life IS worth living because we are living it. The world is beautiful if we give it a try. You don't have to be wealthy to see the beauty in the world. Don't run from the meaninglessness, it will always come back and hit you harder for it. Embrace it. Face it head on and enjoy your life out of spite.
For me, embracing the meaninglessness of the world has been quite liberating. Bad things don't happen out of some divine providence, they just simply happen and it can be within our hands to do something about it. The terrible things in your life didn't happen for a reason, the universe isn't out to get you or teach you a lesson. The good things also don't happen for a reason. You weren't "meant" to be a parent, you weren't "meant" to be anything. You have the ultimate freedom to decide your life or at the very least your reaction to it.
So, go. There is music to be listened to. Laughs to be had. People to love and be loved by. Dishes to do. Pets to love. Nature to be awestruck by. A living room that needs cleaning. Games to play. A child to raise in their 3rd sleep regression. Life to be lived.
One must imagine us happy...
Pirate is wearing all-black converse, light-blue baggy Levi 501s, and a grey hoodie
Pirate is feeling at peace
Pirate is listening to Madvillainy
Pirate is playing a ton of PS2 games he got from his wife's cousin.
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