learning how to enjoy the holidays again
So, for the Grizzly Gazette Advent Calendar, I'm once again up to bat. So, here it goes.
Holidays have been a sore spot for me for a while. Being in a family barely above the poverty line will do that. My family couldn't afford much, but I know they did what they could.
When my dad died, it got worse. I remember many barren trees, thanksgiving paid for by EBT, my mom did what she could.
Christmas was special when my dad was alive because my dad would be in the kitchen Christmas morning making breakfast. Even though we couldn't afford much, I was still excited for Christmas morning.
But after he died, and money got scarcer I stopped caring about the holidays as much. It just felt like another reminder that Santa doesn't visit poor people and my dad isn't here.
I used to like Halloween, but I stopped dressing up an going out after my sophomore year of high school.
When I met my wife, she tried to change that. Her family is big on holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, hell even Easter. I struggled with it. I hated decorating the tree, gift giving stresses me out (still does), I'm not big on large social gatherings, etc.
It's taken time, but slowly I started to warm up to the holidays. Going down to my wife's grandparents for a huge thanksgiving feast, having another one at the house for when her aunts all come, the annual thanksgiving paint war, even watching Polar Express while decorating the Christmas tree started to warm up on me. Thanksgiving quickly became one of my favorite holidays where it hadn't used to be.
I don't think I really started to like the holidays and look forward to them until after my daughter was born. The older she gets, the more I like them. Dressing her in a costume on Halloween that she never wants to get out of, running from house to house with her snagging candy. Being excited for her to see her presents under the tree. She helped me understand what it takes to enjoy the holidays again.
I've learned that holidays aren't for us the individual, it's about the moments that make the days special. Sharing laughs over dinner with your cousins, listening to my daughter giggle as we sprint from one house to another on Halloween. As stressful as gift giving is, the payoff seeing their excitement from a gift you got them makes the stress worth it.
I'm excited the older my daughter gets, because in a way it brings me back to simpler times. Before the loss, the near-poverty. Back to when I was a kid who can't sleep because he's excited to wake up for Christmas. I get to make these days special for her, give her memories that last her whole life. That's what the holidays mean to me now, helping my daughter have the childhood I lost.
Pirate is wearing black sweatpants and a Bluey tee.
Pirate is feeling tired
Pirate is listening to Hybrid Theory
Pirate is playing Halo 3.
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