Harmless Things That Make Me Disproportionately Angry
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Last Update: 2 months ago
This is just a little list of things I've compiled that are completely harmless in the grand scheme of things, but for some reason grind my gears. Most, if not all, of these are gonna be pretty stupid and that's kinda the point. If you are reading this and have a blog, I challenge YOU to do something similar.
The way certain voices say certain words. Ex. when people add too much inflection on the 'K' sound in Vodka or Cookie.
ASMR. If I had to choose between listening to a 3-minute video of someone tapping, lip-smacking, or whatever other hellish noise that can be conjured up, and dragging my bare cheeks across broken glass I would still choose the video, but I'd have to think about it for a minute. I hate when companies put ASMR in ads too. Starbucks had an ad that was basically making an ASMR video out of making coffee and the liquid pouring sounds irk me.
When an infl**ncer, is selling/showing a product and they tap on it with their obnoxious acrylic nails. Or if its something makeup related and the do that thing where they place the back of their hand underneath their chin and wiggle their fingers.
"Millennial humor". The weird self initialization; using words like "smol", "fucky-wucky", "adulting", etc. Its like if Funko Pops were a person.
Rage Bait. I know that is the whole point, but it makes me mad that some people make their entire careers off of annoying people. Its the type of job only held by a complete low-consummate jackass.
The "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee" people. How about I don't talk to you at all, Sharon? You're insufferable before and after coffee.
Dudes who put on way too much cologne, its supposed to attract not chloroform. This one may not be so harmless if you have asthma.
Dodge Ram Trucks. Sedan drivers know exactly what I'm talking about. As a matter of fact, every dipshit that puts these big LED lights on their pavement princess truck that rides your ass during a night drive belongs on this entry.
People who buy merchandise of an American politician. Trump supporters are the worst for this, but this is for EVERY bumper sticker/coffee mug/etc. The ONE exception is maybe a T-shirt for a rally.
When children ask if I have games on my phone.
Telemarketers. I think everyone despises these. I feel like I can always tell when my data gets purchased by some company because I get a swath of telemarketing calls in one day.
"Capitalism sucks, but it's the best we have". No it isn't.
Corporate speak. "Let's circle back", "welcome to the [X company] family", "shaking the industry", "touch base", "game changer", "rock star", "trim the fat". If your middle manager, Gary, has said it, it belongs on this entry.
AI/Wifi-connected everything. Why does my fridge need a wifi connection? My cat's litter box? My toaster? Why the fuck is AI getting shoved into my work chat application? Toothbrushes? Grills?
Companies that take any noun and add -ly, or -able. Feastables, Grammarly, Musical.ly (that one might be cheating), Lunchly, the list goes on. 0 originality.
Stadium Country. Basically every song that Bo Burnham's "Country Song" mocks.
TikTok videos where its some AI narrating a reddit post while someone plays a Minecraft parkour map
To add to that, TikTok videos that are just clips of some comedy act/podcast/tv show/movie with gameplay spliced right next to it.
Thirst traps. Seriously dude, stop violating pastries for horny wine moms.
"They're in a better place", seriously fuck you. I know people who say this mean well, but that was the LAST thing I wanted to hear after my dad died. I give it leniency if the person was particularly suffering and them passing away was truly the only way they can obtain peace.
Red-pill type podcasts that offer little outside of "hurhur look at dumb wamen, me smart" (this one edges closer to harmful).
People who think calling out people who criticize capitalism because they have an iPhone. You're not clever, you're just a dunce.
That sound when people click their tongue on the roof of their mouth. I want to like "Drop it Like it's Hot", but that noise makes it damn near impossible to listen to.
Consumerism for the sake of online content. You know the ones, "restocking my skin care items", and they have like ten bottles of the same fucking lotion. This one is I guess harmful if you consider the impact it has on the planet with all the plastic.
People who post their excessive skin care routines online.
Useless "anti-aging" products. I saw one that was a straw supposedly specifically designed so you don't purse your lips... you can literally do that with a regular straw.
People who unironically have an "ick" list and its just filled with things like "cooks", "has a good relationship with their parents", "has a hobby"
Token activism. It's like activism for people who really don't care, they just want people to think they care.
"Stomp, Clap, Hey!" music
Over-the-top youtuber voice. Nobody talks like that, it's purely for Youtube because otherwise people click off if you don't fuck them in the ears in the first 3 seconds.
People who think AI makes better art than humans.
People who think AI interpolation/upscaling is good. You are either blind or don't understand art.
I might update this list later, but that's what I have for now. Thanks for reading.