I'm So Tired of Ads

30 May, 2026

You wake up, snag your phone and walk into the bathroom to watch a video while you wake up. Oops, 2 minutes of ads you must watch before your 10 minute video.

Get into your car, on your commute, turn on the radio. "Come on down to Big Bill Hell's Cars! Bad Deals! Cars that break down!" you hear over the radio before you hear the music you actually wanna listen to.

You drive to work, billboard after billboard.

Failed Marriage? Call Richard Eater, Attorney at Law! Are you a dipshit riding someones ass going 10mph over? Call us when your dumbass inevitable runs into someone! Please for the love of god remember my dead wife, it's been 2 years since she died and I'm not letting any of you fucks on the road forget it, behold my crypt keeper for a wife!¹ Check out our neat company that our vague ass billboard doesn't tell you what we do or what we sell!

This is getting ridiculous...

You get to work, you throw on a podcast. "This podcast is sponsored by AirUp! AirUp, if you're dumb enough to buy flavored air in order to drink water, you deserve to be left behind in the rapture!" As if one sponsor wasn't enough, another you hear at least 4 for different stupid fucking products that don't work, or are overhyped junk. Oh and there's an ad from the platform you're listening to.

Your wife sends you a recipe she wants to try to make. You click the link and immediately get hate-fucked by Google Ad Sense. You turn on an adblocker, but "oh pwetty pwease let us advertise to you!"

You throw on a video, thankfully your ad blocker blocks the ads from YouTube. Then halfway through the video "this video is sponsored by some stupid fucking supplement that works only slightly better than placebo!"

It's end of day, you get home you throw on a streaming service that is already being payed for, but what's that? 4 minutes of unskippable ads! Oh and the show you're watching has a metric fuckton of product placement...

I am Pirate's chapped ass.

Seriously, I'm so god damn sick of seeing ads fucking everywhere. It's driven me to great lengths to avoid just half of them. But there's no hiding from this cancer, and it appears to be terminal. It's cutting off heads from a hydra.

All this nauseating amount of ads makes me just hate every company that invades my senses without my consent. If I get into a wreck, your stupid billboard will be the reason you and your nepo babies will be called dead-fuck last.

All of the actual good shit often doesn't even have the marketing budget to compete with these tycoons. And that's just what these rich fucks wants, smothered competition.

Every now and then I will see a sponsor that I actually like, from a creator that actually seems to give a damn. I know for a fact half these fucks aren't drinking AirUp, using ZocDoc, or whatever the capitalist flavor of the month is. Hell, half the time they look like they wish they weren't peddling this shit just to keep the show running.

I'm particularly pissed with these money-hungry dogs that run services that charge you monthly and STILL show you ads... do you rich fucking perverts not make enough money? That was a rhetorical question. Of course you don't, gotta buy that 5th yacht to travel to that island after all.

I hate all of it, and I know I'm not the only one who sometimes feels like they're viewed by the capitalist swine as nothing more than a vessel to have our eyes peeled open and glued to witnessing/paying for their product. Like some sick scene out of A Clockwork Orange.

If I want something, I will go out and find it not let the algorithm take you to me. Your ad budget is wasted on people like me, I will not click your stupid ad.

I remember when ads used to be memorable at least. Zoo Pals, Jack in the Box, Halo 3's BELIEVE, Gears of War 3's Mad World. There used to be more effort put into them than there seems to be now. One of my favorite ads I ever saw was a Jack in the Box ad where they made a joke about the lazy name for their new burger because Jack left work early because his wife was getting him all hot and bothered. Seriously, go watch compilations of old Jack in the Box commercials, shit was unhinged.

I'm getting a little lost in the weeds here, but you get my point. Ads suck, they're more prevalent than ever, and they're fucking annoying. I wish there was more we could do about it. But outside of vandalism, your options are basically piracy and ad blockers. You can go pretty decent stretches of time to not get Ad fatigue, but I feel bad for the people who don't know how to push back.

Previous |

Reply via email: me@absurdpirate.com

as of writing this...

Watching some kids Spider-Man show with my daughter at her request. My wife is out studying for her organic chemistry class. Will be going out to the park soon and I'm thinking of taking my little girl and I to Olive Garden to get some "yummy soup" as she calls it.

#2026 #personal #socialcommentary