It's Okay to be Bad at Things You Love
I've always been someone that hated not being really good at something the first time I try it. I feel some part of that comes from placing my self-worth on being "talented". If I'm not good, then I'm not talented, if I'm not talented, then I'm a failure. I think a lot of people have a similar issue for different reasons, fear of failure, perfectionism, etc. Its even worse if your hobby fell into this commoditization trap, where you have to turn everything you love into a "side-hustle" (gods I hate that word).
For my entire life, gaming has always been my hobby. I've been playing Halo 3 since I was 8 years old, I played it like it was my full-time job for 5 years straight. I still play it to this day with my discord club. However, despite probably having 10,000 hours in that game across several years, I still suck at that game. Of the 16-person lobbies, I usually rank at the ass-end of the leaderboard, or towards the middle. I'm better at Halo 2 for some reason despite putting significantly less hours into it. I used to get mad when I didn't win, full on gamer-rage. Maybe this was from growing up in the era of gaming where you got dunked on for having a mediocre K/D ratio. I realized though, this made me insufferable to be around, I wasn't having fun, and neither was anyone playing with me.
I was playing Halo 5's Warzone game type with some friends and getting absolutely CRUSHED, like Wicked Witch of the East under Dorothy's house. I was in this infinite spawn-die-spawn-die loop. I was making a joke to the friends I was playing with "Jesus dude, I can't compete with these Ritalin-infused iPad kids!". That's when it hit me, suddenly I stopped getting frustrated and started laughing at my absurd circumstance. It became a game in itself of trying and inevitably failing to make some headway. I realize this was the mental shift I needed.
I started taking this mindset into other areas, particularly board games. I usually get frustrated when I get my ass kicked by my wife and in-laws, but then I started playing differently. Knowing I probably wouldn't win, I got more fun out of causing chaos or doing stupid challenges with myself.
Taking this into music, I stopped being hard on myself when I miss a note or screw up a rhythm. Understanding most of the fun comes from the slow progress and the love of music itself. I'm not playing on a stage, I don't have an audience I'm performing for (besides my daughter, wife, and a few cats), so what do I care? I'm doing this because I enjoy it. I've come to terms with the fact that I WILL be bad at things, I will get better, but prioritizing the fun in the "doing" rather than the end-result makes hobbies a lot more fulfilling. Realizing it's okay to suck, embracing it, that's the part of growing. When you fall in love with the act of the hobby itself, then every other pressure kinda fades away. After all, the whole point of a hobby is to do it for yourself isn't it?
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