You know what really grinds my gears?
How massive cars in the US have gotten: Seriously, compare the size of an F-150 in 2003 to one in the 2020s. They've doubled in size with only marginal increases to towing capabilities, all for some MAGA fathead to drive to the fucking grocery store once a week. Pavement Princess is a title these jackholes absolutely deserve.
People who stand in the middle of the isle at grocery stores: You'll have these people, standing there, in the way, mouth breathing, completely oblivious to their surroundings. MOVE YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMN ISLE STARING AT A CAN OF BEEEANS FOR 10 MINUTES! I feel like most people, they'll see someone coming down the isle and nudge their cart towards the side or something, for these people may their pillow always be cool when they sleep.
How bright headlights are: You ever notice that headlights, specifically for newer cars are set to like 10000 lumens? The roads are lit jackass, what are you trying to see? The license plate in the car 2 cars ahead of you? And they're always RIGHT in your line of sight. I've started wearing sunglasses at night, because otherwise I'm in pure visual hell.
People with politician's merch: Just buy a shirt that says "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing straight up, basically has the same effect. I'm not talking the people with a Bernie Sanders mug, or some bumper sticker. I'm talking these fuckwits with big ass flags hanging out their car with Trump's face on it, or these weird popup shops that are dedicated to selling his merch. That is weird, I can't think of ANY politician that had THAT level of merch. Absolute loons.
People who let their kids run a muck in public spaces without paying attention to them: Just put a sign on their back that says "Kidnap me, Mommy can't be fucked to pay attention!"
Reality TV: It's like shows made by stupid people for people who want to feel less stupid. Half the time it's just really dumb people with the worst personalities picking petty fights with each other or creating artificial drama.
People who wear too much cologne: It's meant to attract, not chloroform. If I can smell your cologne after you've left the area 3 minutes ago, YOU PUT ON TOO MUCH. Cologne isn't a replacement for a shower.
People who blast their music in public: I'm glad you have a song you really like, the entire block doesn't want to hear it. At least turn it down a few notches ffs, or wear headphones like the rest of us.
People getting mad at other people for interfering with their social media post: you've seen the videos, some douche posing in the locker room, getting mad at some dude walking in the background. Or some fitness girly getting all butthurt because someone walked across the camera's line of sight. You're not nearly as important as you think you are.
HOAs: I can't imagine a bigger club for miserable, middle-aged, white women than HOAs. Their entire purpose is to basically be Vikki Guerrero in 2000s SmackDown (ifyky), rolling around in their golf carts handing out citations because your garbage can was out too long.
That's all I can think about right now, maybe I'll make a part 2 if I can think of anything else. Thank you for reading "Pirate Yells At Cloud for the Upteenth Time"
Pirate is wearing all-black converse, black pants, KISS concert tee, red flannel
Pirate is wanting to be home
Pirate is listening to Rage Against the Machine (the self-titled album)
Pirate is going to play Minecraft b1.7.3
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