Questions I Wish People Would Stop Fucking Asking Me
I feel like most people I know hate small talk, but fuck man I REALLY hate it. They're conversations that go absolutely nowhere. I'm not expecting us to talk about the inherent meaninglessness of the universe all the time, but give me SOMETHING interesting. Lemme explain.
"How's work?": If you ask me this, you are one of two people. A member of my extended family asking this at random to spark an otherwise dead conversation, or my wife asking me the first thing when I get home from said work. My answer to both of them? "It was work". WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY I WORK IN A FUCKING OFFICE 8 HOURS A DAY WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT??1 It is literally the LEAST interesting thing about my day. My wife asks me because she knows I fucking hate it, but I sometimes come home with a funny story from talking with my coworkers (who I'm relatively friends with). Everyone else, it seems like a question asked when you really DON'T want to get to know the person. I'm not an astronaut, my job isn't exciting, what do you want me to talk about? Half the time I have to re-explain what I do each time the subject gets asked. sigh
"Hey, you work for X company, right? Could you tell them about/to [some inane complaint]?": Boomers are the worst for this, I think they're trying to be funny?2 If it is meant to be a joke, I don't get it. The CEO doesn't even listen when half the company complains about something, you think she's gonna listen to ME? Unless I storm into her office with a cricket bat, then maybe? But that's likely to leave me calling my wife from the county jail rather than actually accomplishing anything. It's always the most inane thing too, like the soda tastes off in the stores, or some minor gripe that would be best served shouting to a customer service rep or something.
"Can I ask you a question?": This one requires a bit of context. Every now and then I will get stuck in a "conversation with a coworker on Teams chat that goes something like this:
"Hey, you got a second?"
Sure.
"I have a question."
Okay...?
"It's about XYZ thing."
OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOOOOD GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!
"Can I call you?"
NOOOOOOO JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!!
"[Finally gets to the question to which I answer immediately]"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH3
I notice this is mostly with my coworkers who are from India, idk if it's a cultural difference, but HOLY SHIT. get. to. the. point. They don't talk like this face to face, it's purely online messaging. I've learned they will just get to the point if you ignore the first "hey". I have coworkers from all over the world and this way of communicating is unique to my Indian colleagues. Everyone just asks the question in the first message.
"Tell me about yourself": This question gets asked mostly during job interviews. What is the correct answer here? Professionally? Personally? Both? I feel like I never get this answer right. It seems like every company has a different expectation. How far back in my life do I need to go? All the way back to my first job? My first memory? GIVE ME DIRECTION.
"How are you?"/"How's it going?": I know this is just people saying "hey" and I think that's what makes it more annoying.
There's probably more I'm forgetting. I'm realizing most of these questions are just work related lol. I just hate that people can't seem to ask questions about anything outside of work. I have hobbies; I'll gladly talk about that! But no, the conversation is reduced to "what soul-sucking activity do you do for 8hrs per day 5 days per week".
Pirate is wearingall-black converse, jeans, black shirt, red flannel
Pirate is feeling stiff... like in the neck, he thinks he slept wrong.
Pirate is listening to American Idiot
Pirate is watching The Queer Kiwi
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